Two of the toughest lessons I've learned in the live-in program are trust and obedience. When I lived in Raleigh, NC, I had a strong network of support which included, friends, a sympathetic counselor and, a year before entering the program, a loving and supportive church. But I did not utilize any of that support because of certain events in my life which had soured my views of God, authority, and the body of Christ in general.
I was so convinced I would be accepted when I applied for the 1992 program, I felt there was no way I would be turned down. But when I received my notice of non-acceptance (it was not a rejection), I felt like I hit a brick wall at top speed. Any attempts at consolation or encouragement by friends was rejected.
In the months prior to, and during the application period for, the 1993 program, I went through a time of breaking of my pride and desire for control. By the time I was officially accepted into the program, I was ready and willing to accept whatever the answer was. Even if the answer was still no, God had a reason and plan for my life.
Admitting I couldn't walk away from homosexuality by myself was humbling enough, or so I thought. But when I entered into the 1993 program, I found myself submitting to the spiritual authority of men who were, for the most part, younger than myself. In addition, I shared a house with 11 other men, had parameters concerning where and with whom I could go, classes two nights a week, a house meeting once a week, church-related activities twice a week and assorted ministry outreaches and ministry planned activities. The live-in program is a stressful environment!
But it is also the safest place to be. In the beginning, I hated being here. But I had to tell myself over and again that I wanted to be here. I had to remember what I left behind in Raleigh. I also had to remind myself that these people really cared about and loved me. I am worth their time and effort. I have had to push myself to talk about feelings and struggles with peers and leadership. It is here where I am learning how to relate to other men in a healthy way, which includes opening myself to others and taking risks.
This program is not for everyone. It is also not "the" cure for those struggling with homosexuality. What a person gets out of the program depends only on what he puts into it. I continue to work through issues, both personal and spiritual, that led me into homosexuality. But this program has given me the tools to use when I'm faced with temptation.
David Pellham
(Northwest, U.S.)
I've been in LIA for two and a half years now. My first year I was in the Steps Out Program, then I went into the Steps Further Program. I'm currently in the leadership training program.
I was raised in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. Growing up, I was physically, mentally and sexually abused by my older brothers. Due to a learning disability, I was subjected to horrendous amounts of mental abuse at school. I felt constantly neglected and forgotten, coming from a family of 16.
From this kind of abusive background, I gained an extreme fear of groups. I simply did not trust them. God placed me in a family of Christian men at Love In Action who gave me the love and support I longed for. Through our group meetings in class and in our house, I was slowly able to open up and be vulnerable with my peer group.
I learned that vulnerability means you are going to be hurt by people (friends/family). But with this intimacy, comes freedom; freedom brings healing, and healing brings life more abundantly!
I learned that being vulnerable brings true, healthy intimacy with men. In my past, I related in unhealthy ways with men. I have also realized that while I am here, in a safe and protected environment, the people in LIA are not perfect. Sometimes, I have been hurt. But I have learned to respond to that hurt appropriately.
LIA provided the foundation and the security to work on the root issues of my homosexuality. Where I felt the Church rejected me in the past, here I've found support, encouragement and accountability--not just lip service.
I've also dealt with my core issue of anger. I have learned how to communicate my heart in love, while keeping my anger under control. I believe in keeping commitments in friendship. The program has helped me build healthy male friendships like I never had before.
I have found God to be faithful and true as He has expressed in His Word, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." (Jer. 29:11)
Mike Cooley
(Redwood City, CA)
In 1985, I renounced my homosexual pursuits, praying for forgiveness and ending a relationship. I made a personal commitment to abstain. But this season of repentance did not produce the desired outcome of relieving my hurt. I felt very lonely.
Following along in the prayer book one Sunday I heard prayers for "those who are alone." My heart leaped for joy. Everyone is praying for me, I thought!
But as time went by, I frequented the bars again, setting myself up for greater struggles. With a new addiction to pornography, I questioned why I seemed unable to resist temptation to sin. My "private journey" to overcome homosexuality proved ineffective. Even with occasional pastoral counselling, my non-relational approach to healing was burying me deeper in sin.
Then in 1991, a friend invited me to "Love In Action Night" at Church of the Open Door in San Rafael. I was encouraged by the level of commitment and support I saw. I seriously considered applying for the program during that year. But I wavered as I thought about how radical of a choice that was.
By early December, I found myself reflecting on the passage of Scripture about the woman who touched the edge of Jesus' garment (Luke 8:43-48). She, too, made a radical choice. I decided to apply for the program, acknowledging that I always cry for help at the last possible minute. But I was ready to "count the cost" by being more honest with God and the body of Christ.
Now in my third year, and as an assistant house leader, I look back and see how God has helped me overcome some of my most critical fears. The roots of my homosexuality were fear-based. I've begun a deeper walk with the Lord, seeking His healing.
Love In Action helped me also with the confession I needed to make to my father. Bringing my struggle into the light with him, has been an important chapter in my healing process.
Don Kimball
(Prince Edward Island, Canada)
For over 15 years I continued in an obsessive search for the older male figure who could fill the drive for male affection I longed for while growing up. I lived in a private world where inappropriate thoughts (or lust) replaced a legitimate need for love.
As a joy-filled teen, who had made a profession of faith followed by baptism, I expected my homosexual desires to naturally fall away. But as an adult, I found homosexuality offered a way to receive the male closeness I always wanted. Choosing not to be a hypocrite, by living two lives, I abandoned my relationship with God. I believed His standards were impossible to follow.
After the deaths of several close people, I became aware of how grievous my life had been. I longed for the Lord's forgiveness and fellowship. I would need as much help as possible to walk away from my past.
Love In Action taught me that a need for men to love me was not wrong in itself. Here I found the freedom to express healthy physical and verbal affection towards other men and receive it as well.
I am currently in my third year with Love In Action, serving as an assistant house leader. I have learned that being delivered from homosexuality is rarely instantaneous. Christ is patient, forgiving and more than willing to encourage me in my journey out of homosexuality and into a new life.
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