"A lot of hard work went into our marriage," explains Shireen, "especially in the area of communication. We did everything together-laundry, housecleaning, shopping, even working on design projects in textiles and flowers."
But their shared faith in Jesus Christ was the solid foundation which took them through the trying times that lay ahead. Mark was diagnosed with AIDS, and an intense spiritual and physical battle began.
Initially, only a superficial skin spot and a general tired feeling betrayed the presence of the virus. "Mark and I both went through a denial stage," says his wife. "He seemed so healthy. I'd think, He's going to be all right."
During this time, Mark also "stuffed" down his anger. After some months, it all erupted at once.
"He was mad at me, God, himself, the church-he was mad at everybody," recalls Shireen. "But I hung in there with him. I know many people wouldn't have." In fact, after Mark's death, a family member told her it was only because of her presence that he was able to maintain such a good relationship with Mark up until the very end.
But it was a difficult time. "I had my own anger to deal with, too," Shireen admits. The Lord used it to do some deep emotional healing in both of their lives and their relationship to each other was strengthened.
Later, Mark came down with pneumonia, a typical AIDS-related symptom. He lost some of his passion for life. Before that, he'd really wanted to live, but now he thought that it would also be great to be with the Lord. His will to fight dwindled more when he got throat lesions. Then he came down with the flu, and didn't think he was going to live through it.
During this time, Mark was discouraged, but for awhile Shireen didn't know it.
"When I was gone during the day, he would be feeling a lot of depression," she explains. "But when I'd get home, it would lift his spirits and he was OK." Finally a day nurse tipped her off. After that, she called Mark during her lunch hour, to help him through the day.
Shireen and her husband learned how to pray aggressively. The spiritual warfare going on became really evident. A book called The Adversary by Mark Bubeck (Moody Press) gave them some practical help and even sample prayers for putting on the armor of God and doing battle against the enemy.
It was a fight all the way. "Sometimes, it was difficult to even pray together and spend time in the Word," Shireen confesses. "What kept us going was singing praises and reading the Psalms. We made those verses our prayer, too."
Shireen's own church, First Covenant of San Francisco, took an active role of support during the last months of Mark's life. People from church were praying for them around the clock. Shireen had a schedule of who was praying at what time. When something would suddenly go wrong with Mark, she could let them know what was happening, so that they could pray specifically for the need at that moment. They saw definite answers to prayer during this time.
Besides prayer, practical needs like housework were met by her Christian friends.
"I didn't have to cook, clean or do any of those things during Mark's last month," Shireen says. "I'm so thankful that Mark and I could have that time together." Another friend who is a nurse coordinated a schedule so that Shireen always had a support person nearby during the last few weeks.
For others facing this situation, Shireen strongly recommends building a support team.
"It will be a tremendous help," she says. "The Lord didn't create us to do things independently. He designed us to work with others, and that is what the church body is all about."
Support from her church is still strong. "Others in the church who were close to Mark are also going through the grieving process," she says. "We're going through it together, and I encourage them not to be afraid to talk about Mark with me. Some of them still have a lot of questions they're working through."
During the first month after her husband's death, several friends took turns staying with her when she needed company. Friends and family still check to ensure Shireen is not alone on anniversaries of important dates in her relationship with Mark.
In spite of this loving support, Shireen is still going through tremendous adjustments.
"For the last two months, I've been dealing a lot with depression," she explains. "I've never dealt with it before. I've been trying to discipline myself to do things, even when I don't feel like it.
"For example, I don't enjoy cooking for myself, so I make a point to invite someone over at least once a week. That enables me to continue sharing my home as Mark and I did together. It allows people to see where I'm at. And if they were close to Mark, I can also help them deal with their grief."
She is open with her friends about her continuing need for support.
"Two weeks ago, I was missing Mark a lot. I came home from work and was crying. I thought, I really can't be home alone tonight. I called a good friend and said, `I know you're studying, but I need to come over. We don't have to visit. I'll just read and do some writing.' She said that would be fine and it was really helpful to just spend some time with another person that evening."
Shireen believes she is a steward of these experiences, and she's had many opportunities to share what she's learned with others. Only three weeks after Mark's funeral, she did an interview about AIDS on a local Christian television show. Last summer, she did a speaking engagement at a local church and has been interviewed by an InterVarsity staff member for one of their publications.
"Some people told me it still seemed so early for me to be sharing," Shireen says. "But I think God is using these opportunities to continue the healing in me."
Her interviews have led to opportunities for personal ministry.
"Recently I got a letter from a woman in the Midwest whose husband had just been diagnosed with AIDS," she says. "She'd seen Mark and I on The 700 Club and they had forwarded her note. She was desperate to talk with me; she really needed someone to confide in.
"I was glad to encourage her, and shared how important it is to have a support group. That kind of support, along with the Lord's strength and grace, is what carried Mark and I through."
Shireen believes there is a special purpose in what the Lord allowed her and Mark to go through. "There are other Christians who are facing this struggle. I think the way Mark's situation was handled can be a role model for other Christians and churches."
Above all, Shireen testifies to God's faithfulness. "I still have questions to work through. But I know God is sovereign. You can't put Him in a box.
"God did some real physical healing in Mark. He allowed him to live much longer than the six months predicted by the doctor. Right up to the end, he was affectionate, humorous, loving....It was really special.
"In many ways, I feel now like I'm starting all over again. But the Lord is still with me. He's taking good care of me, providing everything I need." For a woman in Shireen's situation, that says a lot.
Shireen Perry was married only six months when her husband Mark noticed a spot on his side. It was diagnosed as Kaposi's sarcoma, a skin cancer associated with AIDS. Mark had come out of the homosexual life almost four years previously. At the time of his diagnosis in March, 1985, he was given only six months, but lived for two more years until his death in February, 1987.
Copyright (C) 1987 by Bob Davies. Distributed by: Love In Action, PO Box 753307, Memphis, TN 38175-3307; 901/542-0250
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